And the Oscar goes to....

Is there really as much drama going on as I like to report? With TDQ gone to camp for 3 days now I can actually see the trees in the forest. It’s a different dynamic when there’s only 2 out of 3 in the house (don’t be sad, two outta three ain’t bad, thank you Marvin Lee Aday)....sorry, got Meatloaf on the brain today.

Two thoughts: Life with TDQ can be like walking on eggshells. Crunchy, and tastes like chicken... Life with TDQ is also full of play acting her favourite sad songs (how very 15) and music videos. Demi Lovato, you’ve got a lot to answer for with that freaking 'Don’t Forget' vid. Srsly.

So – the eggshells. Why? Well, TDQ likes routine. On occasion she can be remarkably adaptable but I’m pretty sure that’s because she’s build on a foundation of routine and sameness. The world is a scary place for any teenager but through the lens of a developmental disability it must be even more confusing. Especially when you think you’re doin’ it right but the world tells you that you’ve got it wrong. Just because of who you are. I can’t really know for sure but I think of times when TDQ has been in new social situations and has done everything right and still gets the blank stare of death.

She took a dance class last winter and I remember distinctly an interaction with a pair of teenage girls who she had sat with outside the class a couple of times when we were (shock) early. That particular night she plonked herself down in an armchair a completely appropriate distance away, and after the expected “hihowareyou” sighed and said to the girls (with perfect articulation) “I got detention today, gonna miss lunch for a week”. Instead of ‘WTF’ or ‘that sucks’ she got the stares. She may as well have been speaking ancient Greek. Srsly, Mama was ready for a smackdown. If I wasn’t there I might have assumed that she got the social dance wrong, missed something, was off base on who she was talking to but no shiz, she was right on. Boo to those girls. But I digress... back to the eggshells.

Eggshells....It’s much easier to know how to behave when one knows what to expect. It’s a lesson that I didn’t have to teach TDQ, she gets it. Sameness = comfort. Lunch at lunchtime. TV shows at the same time. Gymnastics at gym time. Soccer at soccer time. Beginning of the week always generates questions about what we will be doing each day of the upcoming week. Frequent time checks, just to make sure that things will happen as she is expecting them to. It’s easy to be impatient or wish that we could change it up a little but I need to adjust my thinking and get in the groove along with TDQ.

Eggshells.... I will also ‘fess up to a degree of playmaking. Thanks Wiki for confirming that a playmaker is a player who controls the flow of the team's offensive play (what did I do before wiki?). Unknown to TDQ I’m often behind the scenes, setting up the play and making sure that she shines. Shuh, what’s wrong with putting her hippest t-shirt on top of the pile so that she automatically grabs it then tells everyone that she picks her own clothes? And secretly tossing those shorts-that-give-a-front-bum-wedgie even though they are her favourites?

Eggshells.... Yup, I give in to her sometimes because it’s easier to cave than stand my ground. Find me a parent that hasn’t and I’ll sell you a bridge in Brooklyn.

But here’s the thing about eggshells... sometimes they don’t break. And if you’ve ever done the science experiment of putting your entire hand (entire, mind you, no pokey fingers) you can squeeze that egg with all of your strength and it won’t break. Nature’s perfect design. While our journey together is sometimes a little crunchy, it’s also strong, smooth and perfect. The world might not see it that way but doesn’t mean it isn’t so.

I’ll talk about sad songs another day. Off to buy mascara so TDQ can have it running down her cheeks like Demi.